Bahrain Belongs To Boring Vettel

"Leave it up to Sebastian Vettel to make winning a Grand Prix boring"

I'd like to start off by giving you my sincerest apologises for the lack of coverage this weekend. I work most Sunday's but that's not excuse for qualifying. Truth be told Bahrain bores me, and I would never have predicted Nico Rosberg getting pole.

It was actually an okay race, a great race in terms of Bahrain. But leave it up to Sebastian Vettel to make winning a Grand Prix boring. How anybody can call that a great drive is beyond me, he coasted because once again he got his luck of everybody else's misfortunes. I've now come to the conclusion that Fernando Alonso is just really unlucky, or some things are not meant to be; like winning a world championship at Ferrari.

Due to Alonso's season so far, Lotus's Kimi Raikkonen is emerging as the only challenger to the puppet boy's title.Even though a solid drive (issues with his start again) from 8th to 2nd is a great drive from my favourite driver, for the second race in a row my driver of the day (joint with the next guy) goes to his team mate Romain Grosjean. Grosjean is showing top form at the minute, like his perfectly controlled overtake on Rosberg on lap 20. He has come on leaps and bounds, and I'm really happy for him.

My other drive of the day has to go to my man, Paul di Resta! After giving off 'Kimi-style' over the radio during qualifying, the Scot took all of his talent out of the box and through it in everybody's face today.Granted with the tyres and his Force India car he was never in for the win, but his 1st podium was definitely on and in a way I am gutted for him. He will be filled full of confidence and will be coming in to Barcelona with a vengeance!

What happened to the pole sitter? The same thing that happened to his team mate (coincidently on pole in China), Mercedes do not have race pace. I knew it was too good to be true, and I thought the occasion may have got to Lewis Hamilton last week, but it's apparent now the car is a little behind in terms of out right pace. Their McLaren rivals had a better race this week. Great inter-team rivalry on track from Jenson Button and Sergio Perez was marred by Button running Sergio off the track, but the Mexican got his revenge by finishing higher than the Brit. Jenson needs to calm down but more importantly, the team need to tell themselves that if one driver has the pace during a race, the other should just fall back. More points would be guaranteed.

 After the Grand Prix Jenson has stated that Perez drove dangerously. No Jenson, he drove with a desire for success, you've gotten lazy my very beautiful friend. Get back in the game.

DANGEROUS
Move over Grosjean and Maldonado, there's new wreckin' boys. I have to say, I would not have noticed unless a friend pointed it out to me before today's race, but Giedo van der Garde is becoming a very dangerous driver. An unsafe release was one thing but he completely melted down by t-boning Jean-Eric Vergne. He's still not as bad as Esteban Gutierrez. It's time we found that wee fella's suitcase and send him back, he still has much to learn.

A NOTE TO PIRELLI
I've had enough, and I am finally on board with the rest of the F1 fans, Pirelli either need to make these tyres last or get Bridgestone to show them how it's done, because I am sick and tired of seeing a piece of rubber dictate how the best drivers in the world (and Sebastian Vettel) drive their cars.

Paul Hembry's response to Felipe Massa's wheel falling off the rim was an absolute disgrace.

"Massa's been unlucky"

Aye, unlucky to be a customer of yours you fat bast**d.

PROTESTS
I don't care what you're living conditions are, or how badly you're being treated, DO NOT bring YOUR problems into the world's stage. Sport should not be about external politics. These are politics related to a country's way of running things, and all other politics that are not involved inside the sport. Take a look at this guy:

Somebody should tell that dick his photo is from the wrong era. So not only can you not deal with your own problems correctly, you make an arsehole of yourself doing it. Ass hat.

I'm quite content with the result. I'm just gutted because I know the Lotus won't have the luck and fortune over the worlds most luckiest blond boy. I still believe Kimi is the man to win, but he will not have an easy time doing it.

FINAL RACE RESULTS (BBC):

1. Sebastian Vettel (Ger) Red Bull 1hr 36min 00.498secs

2. Kimi Raikkonen (Fin) Lotus +00:09.111

3. Romain Grosjean (Fra) Lotus 00:19.507

4. Paul Di Resta (GB) Force India 00:21.727

5. Lewis Hamilton (GB) Mercedes 00:35.230

6. Sergio Perez (Mex) McLaren 00:35.998

7. Mark Webber (Aus) Red Bull 00:37.244

8. Fernando Alonso (Spa) Ferrari 00:37.574

9. Nico Rosberg (Ger) Mercedes 00:41.126

10. Jenson Button (GB) McLaren 00:46.631

11. Pastor Maldonado (Ven) Williams 01:06.450

12. Nico Hulkenberg (Ger) Sauber 01:12.933

13. Adrian Sutil (Ger) Force India 01:16.719

14. Valtteri Bottas (Fin) Williams 01:21.511

15. Felipe Massa (Brz) Ferrari 01:26.364

16. Daniel Ricciardo (Aus) Toro Rosso +1 lap

17. Charles Pic (Fra) Caterham 1 lap

18. Esteban Gutierrez (Mex) Sauber 1 lap

19. Jules Bianchi (Fra) Marussia 1 lap

20. Max Chilton (GB) Marussia 1 lap

21. Giedo van der Garde (Ned) Caterham 2 laps

retd Jean-Eric Vergne (Fra) Toro Rosso 41 laps

Fernando Flies To Victory At The Chinese Grand Prix

Fernando Alonso and Ferrari made up for a poor performance in Malaysia by storming to victory three weeks later in China. The race made up for a boring and ruined race caused by Sebastian Vettel and his ignorance, but it was by no means the best so far.

Positions 1-3 were filled by the three greatest starters on the grid today, Lewis Hamilton (on pole) followed by Kimi Raikkonen and Fernando Alonso. In my eyes, Alonso is the best out of the three, and his ascension to the front of the pack was aided by Raikkonen not having a very cool getaway. Thankfully his start wasn't entirely compromised, although he got jumped by Alonso's team mate Felipe Massa. I thought Raikkonen had an okay race, he was completely screwed over by Sergio Perez who is starting to become a pain in the ass. The damage caused wasn't enough to slow him down, some even thought it made him quicker, but he was never going to challenge Fernando on this particular day. He maybe could have done if he hadn't messed about far too much at the start by not overtaking Hamilton when he easily could have. Raikkonen isn't stupid, he'll overtake where he thinks the guy behind him can't get it back, but if he wants to impose himself, he needs to start upping his overtaking game.

So what happened the pole-sitter? To me, he didn't put a foot wrong, the Brit just lacked overall race pace. When both the Ferrari's overtook him in the one corner at the same time, I stood up and applauded, it was simply superb. You expect that from Fernando but it's great to see the Felipe of old. In the end though, some thought he was in danger of losing his podium finish to the most childish driver, but in reality Vettel never had a shot. All four of the pro-Vettel fans will be thinking "but he was chasing him down with 3 seconds a lap like a true champion." Really? Does a true champion make that many mistakes in the heat of battle? No, they don't, thus proving Vettel is nothing but an average at best puppet in a superior car.

Red Bull really have got a lot to answer for at the minute. Cheating at Malaysia (in my eyes), failing to punish the puppet-boy, making a fuel howler (granted there are some decent excuses) and now not being able to secure all four wheels to the car?! Mark Webber deserves better than this, especially considering he'll have a grid penalty next race for spinning Jean-Eric Vergne in the sister team Toro Rosso.

They [Red Bull] weren't the only team with woes, Force India's mechanical disasters continued after Adrian Sutil's car caught fire following a shunt by Esteban Gutierrez. Funniest bit was that mechanics were in no rush to put it out, some even applied more oxygen to the flames! To be fair, serves him right for 1) being a d**k about Raikkonen in qualifying again, and 2) for simply being Adrian Sutil. His team mate and one of my favourite drivers Paul di Resta repeated his P8 finish in Australia, being very consistent with the weak machinery he's been given.

Mexico won't be too proud of either of their drivers after this race. Joining Perez in the dunce corner will be Gutierrez who repeated many of Michael Schumacher's shunts last year when he ploughed straight into the back of Sutil. I don't know what was going through his mind, but it was nothing to do with sense. He's been an extreme disappointment for me so far, and I see no signs of immediate improvement. Mark my words, he will be replaced by the time this season is over. I don't know who for, but Sauber will have to do something soon, because they cannot function on Nico Hulkenberg's points alone. Gutierrez will learn fast, now that he also has a grid penalty for the next race. He'll probably have to start P22.

I feel Daniel Ricciardo deserves a mention, what a great drive. I always think that when these boys excel in qualifying, they mess it all up in the race through nerves. But he held it all together to provide a great result.

The standalone hero of the day has to come from flawless Fernando. What a drive! He done all the work from the pit stops today, managing his tyres to perfection. He's coming into a stretch of GP's where he's quite strong, so he has set himself up nicely for a massive points haul, which will do his championship challenge no harm. The greatest driver on the grid today showed his class and maturity through sheer pace and skill during the race. More of it please Fernando!

Final Race Results (BBC):

1. Fernando Alonso - Ferrari - 1:36:26.945

2. Kimi Raikkonen - Lotus - 1:36:37.113

3. Lewis Hamilton - Mercedes - 1:36:39.267

4. Sebastian Vettel - Red Bull - 1:36:39.470

5. Jenson Button - McLaren -1:37:02.230

6. Felipe Massa - Ferrari - 1:37:07.772

7. Daniel Ricciardo - Toro Rosso - 1:37:09.636

8. Paul di Resta - Force India - 1:37:18.029

9. Romain Grosjean - Lotus - 1:37:20.368

10. Nico Hulkenberg - Sauber - 1:37:23.543

11. Sergio Perez - McLaren - 1:37:30.805

12. Jean-Eric Vergne - Toro Rosso - 1:37:39.549

13. Valtteri Bottas - Williams - 1:38:00.806

14. Pastor Maldonado - Williams - 1:38:02.398

15. Jules Bianchi - Marussia - 1:41.537 lapped

16. Charles Pic - Caterham - 1:41.997 lapped

17. Max Chilton - Marussia - 1:41.978 lapped

18. Giedo van der Garde - Caterham - lapped

19. Nico Rosberg - Mercedes - retired, 21 laps

20. Mark Webber - Red Bull - retired, 15 laps

21. Adrian Sutil - Force India - retired, 5 laps

22. Esteban Gutierrez - Sauber - retired, 4 laps

2013 Chinese Grand Prix - Qualifying

"I wondered why Helmut Marko was running about with a hoover... "

First live qualifying session live on the BBC, and I have to say they done a great job. Granted they dwelled on the obvious team orders a lot, but that's to be expected after what the puppet (Sebastian Vettel) said yesterday. 

Before I start my report just a quick note; the yellow walled tyre makes its debut this weekend and the early signs were not great. Teams reported that they fell off the cliff immediately, Sergio Perez spun off twice and Jenson Button locked up so hard he punctured the tyre, adding to McLaren's woes.

Q1 - Five minutes into the session, and not one car made its way out. It wasn't until nine minutes that Jules Bianchi decided to set the first pace, and what a lap. Not only did he beat both Caterhams and his team mate by large margins, he posted a quicker first lap than both the Toro Rosso's! This young man has pace and is certainly making the most of his second chance. One of the more annoying points today was the shout out from thug-life himself Adrian Sutil, who tried to land Kimi Raikkonen in bother AGAIN, saying the Finn was impeding him. Nothing was said about it, and my opinion of Sutil has dropped again.

Valtteri Bottas waited far too long to go out, if he doesn't give himself a chance, he'll never have a good shot at points. Esteban Gutierrez is not helping Sauber's decision to chose him over a particular crazy Asian driver. He's been nothing but a disappointment and needs to start finding his pace. I'd love the designers of Caterham to answer this question: Why oh why do you have them STUPID things below the mirrors?! They hare clearly no benefit if everybody around you are seconds ahead!!!! Get it sorted soon!

OUT - BOT, GUT, BIA, CHI, PIC, VDG

Q2 - This session provided further issues for the Red Bull team. Mark Webber had to stop his car after he had ran out of fuel on track. The worry was they wouldn't have enough to provide a sample to the FIA and the decision was in limbo for some time. Eventually news broke that the team were unable to provide the sample, therefore Mark will be starting at the back of the grid. Funny that it happened to Mark and not the puppet. I wondered why Helmut Marko was running about with a hoover... 

One driver worth mentioning was a guy who I have slated as being slow compared to his team mate, but my first slice of humble pie is about to be eaten; take a bow Daniel Ricciardo! When Button was told about the remaining top 10, his reaction was exactly similar to mine: "Ricciardo, WOW!"

OUT - DIR, PER, SUT, WEB, MAL, JEV

Q3 - My second slice of humble pie goes back to the start of the season. I was a firm believer in Mercedes being an absolute flop. As of yet, I haven't said anything but I must admit I have been wrong.

Nobody left for around seven minutes, but Kimi was the first and he set a time that no one else was able to beat. Pure joy right? Nope, the moment I finally admitted defeat, Lewis Hamilton has real pace. His first pole for Mercedes, a feat achieved a year ago by his team mate. Well done Lewis and well done the team. I still reckon he'll get the win tomorrow, but a huge Finnish part of me wants Raikkonen to get him at turn 1. The three best starters tomorrow all start in P1/2 & 3. Hamilton, Raikkonen and Alonso are the three greatest drivers in the paddock today, and tomorrow will be epic considering Webber starting at the back. It only takes one safety car for him to bunch up.

FINAL STANDINGS (AUTOSPORT):

Pos  Driver               Team/Car
 1.  Lewis Hamilton       Mercedes
 2.  Kimi Raikkonen       Lotus-Renault
 3.  Fernando Alonso      Ferrari
 4.  Nico Rosberg         Mercedes
 5.  Felipe Massa         Ferrari
 6.  Romain Grosjean      Lotus-Renault
 7.  Daniel Ricciardo     Toro Rosso-Ferrari
 8.  Jenson Button        McLaren-Mercedes
 9.  Sebastian Vettel     Red Bull-Renault
10.  Nico Hulkenberg      Sauber-Ferrari
11.  Paul di Resta        Force India-Mercedes
12.  Sergio Perez         McLaren-Mercedes
13.  Adrian Sutil         Force India-Mercedes
14.  Pastor Maldonado     Williams-Renault
15.  Jean-Eric Vergne     Toro Rosso-Ferrari
16.  Valtteri Bottas      Williams-Renault
17.  Esteban Gutierrez    Sauber-Ferrari
18.  Jules Bianchi        Marussia-Cosworth
19.  Max Chilton          Marussia-Cosworth
20.  Charles Pic          Caterham-Renault
21.  Giedo van der Garde  Caterham-Renault
22.  Mark Webber          Red Bull-Renault

Preview: 2013 Chinese Grand Prix

After the absolute farce created by Sebastian Vettel last time round, we need a good race to at least ease the pain of Twat-Gate and start to make it a distant memory. Child-like Vettel leads the drivers championship from Kimi Raikkonen, who will be one of many looking to forget Malaysia.

Part of the Formula 1 calendar since 2004, Herman Tilke produced another track where large run off areas fail to punish mistakes, but like the Sepang circuit, I like it. The long sweeping turns 1 and 2 into 3 are quite unique and have often produced some great memories off the line. The 5.5km circuit consists of 16 corners with a signature 1170m long straight which will host the DRS zone for this circuit. The second DRS zone (not displayed) will be on the pit straight according to ESPN.

Pirelli are bringing their medium and soft compound tyres, however going by the first two races, I think rain will play its part at some point during the weekend. I also doubt we won't see a dry race until Bahrain. Downforce, tyre wear and brake demand are low-medium meaning all out speed may not be enough, strategy will play an even huger part this weekend. Maybe a 3 stop would be the most beneficial?

Last year was the first surprise of the season when Nico Rosberg managed to grab pole position and his first win. The result shocked many, but Mercedes will be looking for the same feat to be achieved this time around. That's why I'm predicting that Lewis Hamilton will get his first win in a Mercedes factory car. I would LOVE to see Nico getting it over him, but this is his chance.

I don't like swearing in my blogs, but Sebastian Vettel really is a dick.

He'll face some strong opposition from rival drivers looking for improvements. Fernando Alonso needs to fight harder than ever at the start of a season unless he wants a mountain to climb later. No more silly decisions by the team please guys. He's not the only one. As a die-hard Kimi fan, Malaysia was the worst I've seen him in a Lotus car. A massive fall from grace will not be aided by the fact that he finished pointless here last season (albeit that was the only time). On the flip side, Romain Grosjean had a fantastic previous round, and I'm really hoping this is a sign of things to come. His patience will lead to that first win!

Felipe Massa has been on some terrific form of late, and I am quickly becoming a Massa fan, so long may it continue because it could open up opportunities for him at Ferrari. The same can't be said for his McLaren rivals. Jenson Button and Sergio Perez really have been caught out in the right place in the wrong time. McLaren may talk a big recovery game, but the only thing I can say is, pack it in and focus on next year guys.

For qualifying I expect the Mercedes cars to be up there, but only a fool would still bet against Adrian Newey's puppet getting pole. My favourite combination is a wet qualifying session followed by a dry race, but considering the Bull's have quick wet pace now, I'm not sure that's what I want. Hopefully the rain will stay away, but prepare for the worst.

In terms of review coverage, I hope to bring you an immediate qualifying report considering it's live on BBC (THANK CHRIST) but as for the race I am working, so expect it very late on, even on Monday.

As usual though you can keep up to date with everything F1 by checking out Let's Talk F1. 

Preview: 2013 Malaysian Grand Prix

UPDATE 10/04/13: The track preview would not load so I inserted a new one.

After the icy conditions on the top of the podium after round one in Australia, Kimi Raikkonen leads the driver's championship ahead of Fernando Alonso and world champion Sebastian Vettel. After the dominance of the Red Bulls in free practice and qualifying, we were shocked to see Vettel being caught by Felipe Massa of all people. The Sepang circuit hopefully will work out to be as exciting as last year, maybe even more so.

Track profile courtesy of Viva F1

The circuit is of Herman Tilke design and unlike his other anti-great-racing tracks, Sepang is surprisingly a great watch even with his signature run off areas. The wide track runs for 3.4 miles and features 15 great turns with a signature double hairpin double straight. The rules this year state each track must have two DRS zones where feasible, but for some reasons the organisers and FIA couldn't find a place to set a second one. I can see 5 places for another one but whatever.

This track debuts the orange walled hard compound tyres which will partner the option medium tyre. This will come as a relief especially to Jenson Button in his struggling McLaren who's tyres fell off after lap 4. Downforce levels are quite high along with high tyre wear, but the demand on brakes is not that hard so tyre management may play a background role this time around.

One of the worst features about the circuit is that the race takes place during monsoon season. This means I could almost guarantee you a wet race but I was wrong last week!

Last year, Fernando Alonso shocked us all in his supposedly off pace Ferrari by winning in the wet however what no one could have predicted was Sergio Perez getting his first F1 podium, from a position where he could have won hadn't he went off track. 

Preview

McLaren won't be praying for a wet race, they'll be praying for no one to show up, that's the only chance they'll get for a strong race, and even then I reckon some of the GP2 machines could challenge them.

Red Bull became the complete package last week as they showed they can finally challenge in the race, and with long straights there's a very good chance for a trademark Vettel run away, although if the right person is chasing him i.e. Kimi or Fernando, he'll not get it as easy as he used to. 

For me, last week showed none of the midfield teams made any real leaps forward, bar Force India who showed that both Adrian Sutil (to my disdain, he had a great race) and Paul di Resta can challenge the points pack. The other surprise came from Mercedes who I thought would not do as well, Nico Rosberg's retirement was bad luck nothing to do with performance. Expect effort from all these drivers.

Qualifying

A Red Bull lockout two sessions in a row? Probably, and in the wet I can't see it being any different. If Raikkonen can win from P7 though, anything can be achieved from all the guys.

The Race

If it throws up a wet one (which I hope) it'll be hard to imagine what is possible. Because of McLaren's shambles of a car, Button is out of the wet game, leaving Alonso the only expert. That being said Vettel seems to have pretty good running pace so he won't have it all his own way.

After a very quiet first round, Romain Grosjean will hope to remain incident free and will be searching for more points. Nico Hulkenberg will have his first race here after he failed to make the Aussie grid, playing catchup is never a good season starter but if any man can pull it off, it's him.

Nobody ever wants a wet race, but I think we need to see an early on in order to get an idea of how these cars perform in the race under wet conditions.